Category Archives: Marriage

Men – Pray For Your Wives (Part 5)

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In this series of posts we have discussed the need we have as men to pray for our wives. If you’ve been with us for the first four parts in this series, you’ve learned that the biggest reason we need to pray for our wives is so we might be changed. No doubt this reasoning has taken many of you by surprise.

Men we pray for our wives so that God will fundamentally change us; so that we will have hearts in-tune with God’s heart for our wives. It is easy to develop tunnel-vision so that all we see are our perspectives, our struggles, and our needs in the marriage. We want God to incline our heart to our wife; to enable us to show compassion always, to demonstrate a respectful attitude without a hint of condescension.

Today I discuss the last two reasons we pray for our wives. The first is because she needs it. Men, here’s a newsflash – our wives are sinners too. Ok, we don’t need a headline to know that right? But in the midst of all this talk about praying for our wives so that we will be changed, lies this nugget of truth – our beloved, the one we are called to honor, esteem, and celebrate as God’s gift to us, is herself a sinner in need of forgiveness and grace. Pray God will grant her that each day.

Then secondly, we must pray for our wives because this is the primary weapon of our warfare on her behalf. Life is a spiritual struggle. The stresses we face as men are equally present in our wives’ lives. Today many wives work outside the home, juggling career with responsibilities to children, family, home, church, and community. Where will her support come from if not from us?

Men, when you read the Apostle Paul’s exhortation in Ephesians to take up your spiritual armor every day in order to stand firm against the schemes of the devil, do you read this challenge in the context of your marriage? Do you understand that one very effective strategy of our enemy has been to undermine the marriage relationship?

When husbands do not pray for their wives there is left a gaping hole in the battlements. Neglected prayer leaves a powerful weapon lying on the spiritual battlefield that we must occupy.

Men, love your wives as Christ loved the Church. This includes praying for her so that you will become all she needs you to be in Christ.

Be the transformation you want to see. God bless you today as you seek Him.

Men – Pray For Your Wives (Part 4)

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I’ve been speaking primarily to men in this series. The topic has been praying for our wives so that we will be changed. I know many of you men are of the attitude that you pray for your wives so that God will change her. My point in this series is that God is going to change you in order to change her.

So far we’ve discussed the fact that praying for your wife will result in you evaluating your relationship with her, your responses to her, and the type of love you show her. Guys, this is “gut check” time. Will you be honest with yourself? Will you listen as well as hear when God answers you concerning your prayers for your wife?

This process will yield the sweet fruit of confession and repentance toward God and if necessary, to your wife. Men, you have a high calling as spiritual leader in your marriage. This leadership position can only be powered by the Holy Spirit who will enable you to love her sacrificially.

You will see a definite change in your heart attitude toward your wife. You will cherish, treasure, and celebrate her as God’s gift to you. You will see her as God’s appointed helper to walk alongside of you. She is your biggest supporter. She is worthy of celebrating and praising with a thankful heart.

This in turn changes your behavior. Men, the way we show that we treasure something is to spend time engaged. Schedules can be cruel task masters that will ransack a fruitful marriage. Make sure your priorities are right which means that time with your wife is near the top of your list.

This transformation will change the way you pray for your wife. It will no longer be “God change her because I can’t take much more,” and will instead become, “God change me so that I don’t take my wife for granted, so that I’m not bitter, so that I’m not hateful.” Your prayer life for your wife lays the foundation for a marriage God designed it to be.

Men, praying for our wives is a powerful and much-needed discipline. But I will boldly tell you that we need to pray for her as much, if not more than she needs us to pray for her. God change us so that we might be the men our wives need.

Grasping these truths will create a transformed heart. The next post will be the final in this series, “Men –Pray For Your Wives Part 5.”

Friends, I welcome your comments.

Men – Pray For Your Wives (Part 3)

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In this series of posts I’ve been talking primarily to men.  The subject has been praying for our wives.  Today is part three in this ongoing conversation.  Thus far you’ve learned that praying for your wife means you will undergo change.  God will begin to work in your wife’s life by first preparing you to be a change agent for her.  But being a change agent means that you will change first.

Today’s question is this – Men, do you understand that your treatment of your wife is a commentary on you and not her?  I can hear the grumbling already, but guys think about this.  God has called us as husbands to love our wives and to sacrifice ourselves for her. Sacrificial love does not seek its own welfare as of first importance.  It is concerned primarily with loving others, and I might add, loving others extravagantly.

Some might question that last qualifier – extravagant – as a proper descriptor of the love that we should have for our wives but I ask you to consider that loving your wife in a sacrificial manner means that you will not allow any earthly thing to become a priority in your life over your wife. You will see her as a reason to celebrate God’s goodness to you. In effect, you are becoming a servant leader to her.

This heart attitude reflects your understanding that your wife is God’s gift to you.  When was the last time that you considered that truth?  God matched the two of you to become one flesh for His glory and honor. Does your treatment of your wife reflect this reality?  Here is where the rubber meets the road.  No excuses are accepted.  Leaders lead by example, so show the world that you value your wife by your words and actions.

Your relationship with your wife is a mirror that reflects what is in your heart. Take the time today to pray earnestly for your wife. When you do you will notice a definite heart change in you and in time if it is necessary, in your wife.

Men, these truths can be transforming moments in your lives if you recognize the opportunities before you.

Stay tuned for Part 4 of “Men – Pray For Your Wives.”

God bless you today as you seek Him.

Men – Pray For Your Wives (Part 2)

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In part one of this series I introduced the idea that as men we must pray for our wives. I discussed the great need we have as men to pray for our wives with the right attitude.  That right attitude is an understanding that as the leaders of our families we must model the actions and words we desire to see in our wives.  This means when we pray for our wives we must be prepared to change.

Men when we pray for our wives to be all that God wants them to be our heart attitudes toward her will change.  Has there been strife and discord in the relationship?  It is impossible to hold onto a hurt while praying earnestly for God to move and work in our wives. And when we do ask God to move in our wife’s life, He will begin by showing us what part we must play in that process.

This will also draw our attention to her needs, desires, strengths, and weaknesses.  We will begin to see where we can step in and offer help or volunteer to take something off her plate. Guys, I don’t need to remind you that we can get caught up in our busy lives of work, schedules, and deadlines, not to mention the children’s activities and church related events.  It is easy to forget that our wives have struggles too and would see your unsolicited offer to help as a huge encouragement.

In this process of praying for our wives we will experience change in our own attitude and we will begin to sense our hearts being more closely aligned with our wife’s heart. Men, it is a commonly accepted truth that women seek a deeper emotional bond with their husbands, deeper than many men realize.  You’ve been put on notice now; so what are you going to do in response?

Being a godly husband is a daunting task when rightly understood.  Our role is to provide strong, consistent, righteous leadership that demonstrates patience under fire, kindness as a first priority, and perhaps most importantly self-control.  Being a husband does not give you the title of dictator nor the authority to “lord” it over your wife; if those are your behaviors, you are sowing to the wind and as the Bible says you will reap a whirlwind of trouble.

In the next installment in this series I will talk about how your treatment of your wife is a mirror into your heart.  Stay tuned for Part 3 of “Men – Pray For Your Wives.”

God bless you today as you seek Him.

Men – Pray For Your Wives (Part 1)

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Today I want to speak directly to men. Guys, let’s talk about prayer. No, this isn’t a beat-down or a shame-fest meant to cajole you into spending more time in prayer.  The congregation I have the blessing to pastor, knows that this is not a tactic I employ.  Shaming people into doing something never works in the long run.

Instead men, I want you to consider why you should pray for your wives AND more importantly, what your frame of reference should be.  A recent article on this subject got me thinking about this topic and provided a great example of the right approach to praying for our wives.

What is that right approach?  Simply this – men we are to pray for our wives so that we can be changed.  I can almost hear all the “what?” questions right now.  “What do you mean pray for my wife so that I can change?”  “She is the one that needs to be changed!”

Here is a spiritual principle to try on guys – you only have control over your responses. You cannot control the responses of other people. In fact, you will never see the changes you want in your wife until you become the change you want to see.  The old adage that warns not to point fingers at others for their faults because there are at least three fingers pointing back at you comes to mind here.

So, how does praying for your wife with the proper attitude change you? Because praying for your wife with the right attitude will soften your heart.  I know this is true from personal experience.  You cannot honestly pray for someone you are mad at or aggravated with. I have counseled many men over the years to put this principle to the test. My counsel to them has been this – the next time you and your wife find yourselves in a discussion that is heading “out of bounds,” have the courage to stop, look your wife in the eyes, take her hands, and say “let’s pray.”

When you pour your heart out for your wife, when you seek God and ask Him to encourage her to be all that she can be in Him, I guarantee you God will show you ways that you are hindering her in that quest. Men, we are sinners and more often than we want to admit, we display a callousness toward them that really undermines the very character qualities we desire to see in her.

I will focus on this subject in four additional posts. We will continue this conversation about the great need we have as men to pray for our wives. Look for Part 2 in this series soon.

May God richly bless you today as you seek Him.